I’m not “going public” with this blog right away, but I wanted to make sure that I took the time to journal this experience from the start. I know that someday, I’ll be glad I did.
As recently as two years ago, I was pretty much convinced that I did not want to have a baby, and I was almost certain that I wouldn’t be changing my mind about that. Two of my best friends had already had their first babies – both boys, my sister was pregnant for the first time – she had a girl, and I was very happy for them, but not at all interested in joining them.
About a year ago, I started to soften up on the idea, but in a vague “someday, eventually” kind of way. I’d ask JMar “don’t you want one of those?” when a cute baby was featured in a televison ad or on a show we were watching.
Last spring, we found out that some friends of ours were pregnant with their first; and we all joked about them being traitors, since we were all in the same “not ready to be parents” boat just a year earlier. Those friends had their baby last week; and we also found out another couple we are friends with is expecting their second.
Meanwhile, my two best friends who had their first babies three years ago both got pregnant again last year. This past spring/summer one of them had twins – one boy and one girl – and the other had a daughter.
It was really starting to feel like we were the only couple on the block who did not have a baby, or any plans to have a baby, yet. Suddenly, I wasn’t just warming up to the idea of someday possibly having a baby, I really wanted one. I didn’t just know for sure that I wanted one, I knew I wanted one soon.
On Monday, November 2, 2009, I ambushed JMar as soon as he walked in the door after work to discuss babies, and the possibility of us making one.
He wasn’t completely blindsided, he knew that I had been thinking about it more lately. I had said, on more than one occasion, that I felt like we were being left behind. We have been watching our niece more regularly, lately. At least once a week, she comes to spend an evening with us. It gives her parents a break, and it gives us a chance to build a relationship with her. It also gives us a chance to experience a little bit of the day-to-day job of parenting. It turns out that we are not completely incompetent.
Don’t get me wrong. I know there is more to raising a child than keeping her content for a few hours once or twice a week. At the same time, our biggest concern was whether we would resent the intrusion of a child into our “free time” or “me time.” When the niece comes over to visit, she definitely requires attention, and our routine is definitely disrupted, but it’s not as big an intrusion as we had feared. And it’s definitely worth it.
JMar isn’t as keen about getting started as I am. He’s definitely on board with the whole “let’s have a baby” part, it’s just the timing that he isn’t positive about. Having said that, he’s well aware that at our age – we’re both in our early 30’s – we can afford to wait, but not too long. We talked it over, and we agreed to stop using birth control and just let nature take its course. We are not actively trying to get pregnant, but we are also not trying to prevent it.
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And the journey to motherhood begins! Enjoy the trying part